Friday, October 15, 2010

Its friday.

Glad the week is over.
This week and last week have been rough for me.
However, I am surviving. I am hoping that I can receive a few triumphs dispersed throughout the storms.
I guess I will have to continue to take it all in stride, and continue to be thankful.

reading list with ratings

1. an unquiet grave
2. sworn to silence
3. the devil's punchbowl
4. stalked
5. hear no evil

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Blind Missouri couple is getting their baby girl back! my thoughts and commentary on this issue.

Yes, and thank goodness. Blind Missouri couple is getting their baby girl back, tomorrow!!! CPS wrongfully took the baby girl before they could leave the hospital, 2 months
ago, just because the couple was blind! Judge was appauled! Luckily, this is coming to a happy ending, but this situation happens more than people realize. Unfortunately, society still have lots of misconceptions concerning blind people. This is why we still have cases like this. However, as blind people, many of us believe in these misconceptions as well. one major misconception is that sight is always better. For example, You should only marry a sighted persohn. Sighted kids must take care of their blind parents. Even Educators of children who are blind emphasize this idea of sight being better. I was told many times that sighted people never ask for help. Having sight is crucial to everything. I have experienced this more than once in my life. As recently as last summer.
I had a woman doctor assume that because I am totally blind that I would not be able to tell what was going on with my body. She asked me, how did I know that I was having my monthly cycle. In other words, How did I know this being that I am totally blind.
I am aware that we live in an ocular centric world and we are viewed as outcasts and as misfits. However, will we ever fit in to this culture? I believe that we will always be striving to fit in because we have to use different ways to see things. This is something that a totally sighted person does not have to do at all. Even whin you have some sight you still have to struggle and face many types of discrimination. Many people probably think that you are faking your vision problems. People may also think that since you have some sight, you must help out those who are blind. This treatment also strengthens the misconception that any sight is better than being blind.
This story has a happy ending. But I am sure there is another story like this occurring right now as I write this. May be as blind and visually impaired people, whin we start not supporting this idea of sight means better. then this story and many others may stop occuring. Its a dream that may come true someday. However, I am very skeptical. Yet, supportive of taking the steps to live successfully in this ocular centric world, and culture.
Anyone agree or disagree with me? Please share.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

just for the blind.

Hello my blind friends. Here is another twist to my previous post.
What have you not done as a blind person?
Please post your answers in the comment sections.

Here is my answer.
Never been scky diving.

what you haven't doneBlog title...

What haven't you done?

Please place in the comments with what you haven't done or let me know about someone you know who has not done something. I'm looking for everyday things that we all assume everyone has done. Examples:
Never worn earrings
Never been to the movies
Never owned a cell phone

or they can be age-related (young or old) as in:
Never used a rotary phone
Never wore a watch
Never used an MP3 device.
Never used a record player
Never used a typewriter

Sunday, June 6, 2010

today Marty had to take patches to the pet's emergency room.
His balance is off, and he is having trouble seeing.

So, please pray for marty and patches cat.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

RIP. I Miss you all.

We all have lost loved ones. It makes us sad sad. We grieve for the. But deep down we know that they are still in our hearts. They have gone to a better place and are guiding us through our daily lives. So rest in peace(RIP) all of you. From my twin sister, to my grandpa grady. From my Uncle Terry, to my cousin Mia, and to my many cousins, friends, and others that are no longer with us. We will see you again one sweet day. Just continue to be a guardian angel and a guide each day. I must say this.
God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be. So He put His arms around you and whispered "come to me." With tearful eyes I watched you, and saw you pass away. Although I loved you dearly,I could not make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest. God broke my heart to prove to me, He only ......takes............the BEST.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


The title of this noet will make sense. Just read on.
Firsstt, I am having a repeat of last summer. Everything is in jeopardy again.
I have to take the GrE again. I have been told that my classes that I took last fall and semester won't count. I am only missing one class. Then I can get out of here. But they won't let me register for anything above a 400 level class.
The GrE test was a bitch to take. Then during the test the math book with the figures and charts fell a part. It also wasn't very readable. The braille pages were like a children's pop up book in places.
So, I can't register for any higher classes, I have to be a student at the university, to keep my apartment. I have to take the grE again. The computer has locked me out of registering for that one class. My GPA is one point off the 3.0. That is another reason why they are saying take the grE again.
I didn't plan to get sick with Graves Disease. I didn't know that Graves disease would cause so many problems for me. I had no idea that other things besides my thyroid would be effected.
I had no idea, that the perfectly normal head of the Special education department would be so insensitive and refusing to hear my concerns. Its just one stupid and lousy point.
I hope that there is a reason for all of this.
Growl! Talk about frustrating and discouraging.
Well, I just can't bring myself to say I am done completely with it all. Knights, and Greens, don't quit without a helluva fight. I am just needing to get all of this out of my system. The idea of quitting that is. Besides, my friend is right. Noone will give a shit! If I completely give up and quit.
The good thing is that I am a strong advocate for my health now. I know my limits. I am taking care of myself more. I am getting things out of my system, instead of holding it in and making myself sick.
I am blessed. There is a reason for all of this. I have no clue what that reason is, but I know that I need to grasp tightly to my faith. Even if its with just my finger tips.
Another good thing is that I have enough classes that I almost have a second bachelor's degree. Will have to pray about this part. Not sure if this will be a part of God's plan for me.

Struggles continued.

Its a nice day in colorado. I am still truggling. But I am praying through it all. I know and believe in my heart that I need to grasp tightly to my faith.
Yes, I am discouraged and hate all of this struggling. But I know that this may be god's plan for me. But I still want to throw my hands up and say fuck it all.
Then that little tiny part of me overrules the fuck it all part.
So I am going to try once more. God didn't bring me this far to leave me.
What would I give up for? There is no positive alternative for me.
Just keep praying for me.
God bless!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


Lately, I have been struggling with many things in my life. One important thing has been my educational future. After doing everything that the University has asked of me. I still have been confronted with obstacles. I have just wanted to give up and say Fuck it! But I don't want to do that at all. I had to ask myself, if you throw up your hands and walk away, what would you be walking to?
I have no answer to this question. The fact that others around me have been handed opportunities to them, and I have to really fight for mine wasn't much of a help at all.
So, last night I wasn't feeling very good about myself or my situation. I was going through the waht if I had only did this or that differently. I had a friend tell me that go ahead and say fuck it. Noone will care at all that you did it. Which is completely tru, and that question came to mind as well.
I prayed and then I went to sleep. I woke feeling good about things. But nervous because I had a meeting with my rehab counselor at 3:30.
My friend that told me to go ahead and give up. Sent me an email with a lot of verses that were for me was comforting and strengthening. I spent some time praying and focusing on the positive things. Then I went to my friends and family and asked for prayers and or positive thoughts.
My meeting was a success. I discussed everything that was on my mind with my counselor. I was very honest and we got a lot acomplished.
I know that I needed to be honest, and trust in my faith and in the fact that I have lots of support and prayers.
I probably will still have to struggle. But that may be in god's plan for me.
My struggles make it prudent for me to apreciate my blessings.

Thank you.

I asked for prayers and positive thoughts. I received that and so much more. I recieved the prayers and the positive thoughts. I also got a lot of support. It helped me to get through my meeting successfully and productively. so thank you all for the love, support, and thoughts and prayers. It is all appreciated. I know that I am truly blessed to have many people in my life that believe in me whin I don't believe in myself. I thank god for all of you.

prayer and positive thoughts.

Very nervous about a meeting. Its a life altering and very important meeting. Prayers and positive thoughts please!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

celebrating mom

In grammar school we made mother's day card and sang a song about moms. Now we post things about mom on our facebook statuses, which is wonderful. I must say that I am thankful for all of ms.
Yes, I wrote moms. My mom has five other sisters, and each one, in their own way, are like a mother to me. Some more than others. But that is beside the point. My point is that moms are very special.
So I dedicate this writing to all of my moms. With a special thanks to my mom Betty. Who is one of my biggest supporters and set an example of being strong and determined. So thank you mom.
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right

For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful

You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through
Through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me

Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me.
Finally, lets celebrate mom all year round. Mom is a blessing. And, yes, lets also celebrate those dads who are also being Mom.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

book review

Fire fly lane
Author Christin Hannah
Rating 10

This is a very touching and moving story about friendship between women. The story follows two women from childhood to adulthood.
What I learned from this boook.
I learned from this book that friendships are important. Time is short. Never hold a grudge. Breast cancir is still deadly. Women mut pay attention to their bodies, and be sure that its you are in control of your health and the decisions that are made. Finally, I learned that its okay to enjoy life and to allow a book to make you shed a few tears.
I recommend this book to women that have a really true friend.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

vivil rights

Today marks the 42nd anniversary of the death of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Growing up we learned a lot about Dr. King and his life. I wonder if children today really know and appreciate the work and sacrifices that Dr. Kings and others made for us. So that we would be able to attend schools, and sit anywhere we want on a bus, train, or participate on anything we choose. I think that many of us take these things foregranted. There are those who believe that we are entitled. I think that this is sad. However, noone asked me. I for one am thankful to Dr. King and many others that fought for me to be able to attend any school, or university of my choice. I am also thankful for the fact that I live in the United states. Its not a perfect country. However, we are very lucky to live here. So RIP Dr. King and thank you for what you have done. Thank you to all of those that also had the courage to say this isn't right. Then took that courage and bravery and did something to change the wrongs into rights.

My health

Well, last thursday I had an MRI. During my return trip home. The paratransit bus driver gave me a very nice compliment. This occurred during a comversation about the reason for my MRI. During this comversation he asked me what did I want to happen. I told him that I felt that I hope that they can find a little something, and if they didn't then that was okay. I just wouldn't know why my headaches were still bad. He asked me did I pray about the procedure. I said that, thy will be done. The comversation continued, and he finally said to me, "you have a woderful, strong and loving spirit. I usually would say thank you and go on about my business. However, this statement meant something and really touched me. Many times I feel like god isn't listening, and or I have to wait for my turn to come, or I wonder why I am going through so much, or receive any kid of blessings or good luck. After all of this I still hold on to that something inside me that keeps me clinging to my faith and spiritual belief. Just a compliment that started me really looking at my life and my spirituality. Today celebrates the resurrection of christ. I do have lots of feelings about and am still struggling with the idea of what easter means to me. But its still a special day too me. Happy easter to all.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

health and faith

Over the years I have develop many health diffeculties. I have weathered each storm as it has come. Then I would accept whatever diffeculty came my way. Last week when I was home visiting mom. I said to her I am on so many medicines. Mom's response to me was that at least I am living. She is so right. This is what had me thinking about the role faith plays in our lives. If I didn't have my spiritualness and my faith. I wouldn't have anything. I also think that my health diffeculties would really bring me down. This is why I have also been blessed with friends and family that lift me up and make me see that hiding in the house isn't an option. That is what my sister/friend Mary atwell told me in different words, when I was diagnosed with Graves Disease. She told me this because she cares and she was right. Hiding isn't an option. I am glad that she did say this. Marty also stood by me when I received the diagnosis. So did shannon and solsticesinger, and many others. So during this easter weekend I am blessed to have an enormous family. Not just my blood family but also people that are just like family. Even without being related by blood. So I am very thankful for this.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Reading list for March so far.

city of fire
women in the shadows
Resurrecting midnight
beebow brinker
Kindred in death
Evil at heart
Cut to the quick
I Alix Cross

reading list for february

Vision in white
Bone by Bone
Crime school
The woman in white

Friday, February 19, 2010

your presence

this is for my family, friends, and thos who are part of my friends and family online. Hugs to you all.
your presence is a present to the world
You're unique and one of a kind
Your life can be what you want it to be
Take the days just one at a time
Count your blessings, not your troubles
You'll make it through whatever comes along
Within you are so many answers
Understand, have courage, be strong
Don't put limits on yourself
So many dreams are waiting to be realized
Decisions are too important to leave to chance
Reach for your peak, your goal, your prize
Nothing wastes more energy than worrying
The longer one carries a problem, the heavier it gets
Don't take things too seriously
Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets
Remember that a little love goes a long way
Remember that a lot... goes forever
Remember that friendship is a wise investment
Life's treasures are people...together
Realize that it's never too late
Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way
Have health and hope and happiness
Take the time to wish upon a star
And don't ever forget...
for even a day... how very special you are.
Collin McCardy

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

thoughts about the single life continued and more.

Its still after midnight. I am not a bit tired. I have been discouraged today. So I tried to keep myself busy.
Not only did I succeed in keeping myself busy. But I still was discouraged.
I am discouraged about being a charter member of the broke ass club, and the fraternity broke phi broke every month.
The next thing that got to me is that I can't get any kind of part time work. I had a good opportunity a year ago, and rehab slapped that down.
Still haven't heard anything about school, and I am still pissed off that I had to start all over again. I know some of you would say get over it. That was three or four years ago. Well, can't get over the loss of all that work. True I did learn a lot. But that isn't really doing any good. Especially, if I don't get out of here in december.
Oh yeah, then the single thing came up. BTW, I didn't find any books yet. Will keep looking.
Oh well, its wednesday. Hopefully things will be better. I feel better because I have ranted a little bit. I have held back. If I get going. I won't sleep at all. So, will ind this on a positive note. Here is something to think about.
It certainly puts things in prospective. "A dream is your creative vision for your life in the future. You must break out of your current comfort zone and become comfortable with the unfamiliar and the unknown." Do you agree or disagree?
God bless, and good night.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

single life II.

Did some thinking on my post last night. I even did a little research as well. I didn't find books with a single woman character in it. Yes, helen keller was single. But people made a big deal about her being single.
I also got many comments on my post. Thank you all for the comments, support, and the prayers. Its good to know that its okay to be single. Its okay to live a fullfilling life as a single person.
I am still continuing to look for single disabled women characters in literature. Just for fun. I am not going to let this turn into an obsession.
Furthermor, I intend to be more thankful and happy about my single life. Hmm, may be I have come up with a reading challenge for myself. finding and reading books that have single women as characters. Second, find and read books with single women with a disability, or disabilities.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

single life.

I am still single. I have no prospects. Some of my friends and family give me a very hard time. This hard time makes me feel unworthy and very down on myself at times.
However, I do believe that being single isn't all bad. Then on the other hand being single is not normal either. My mom once told me to get off my high horse. Which I took toom mean setll for a little bit less. The statement hurt my feelings at the time. then I thought how mom just wanted the best for me. She wants me to have a normal life and to be happy. Just like all of those friends and other family members that harass me about being single.
Thinking back on the talk and speculation about me being single. I have realized that they have absolutely no clue how to be disabled and search for a partner. They see me as myself. They don't focus on my disability. They only see me as niece, daughter, sister, and friend.
This might sound mean. But, I have wished that some of my family and friends could live my life for longer than a day. Then ,may be they would have a little bit of understanding. If not more than a little bit. That is another topic of discussion.
Think of any book or drama that shows a strong independent woman who is totally blind, and or has another disability that has a "normal" life. You know the normal life that society has. If you have thought of any books. Then you are doing lots better than I. Even the romance come home my heart that has a blind character in it isn't normal. The character goes blind. She doesn't live with it through out her life.
I am a sstrong believer in the idea that you don't control who you fall in love with. Yes, that belief is tested when I am hounded and my sexuality is questioned, or if the only reason someone wants me involved in a relationship, is because I need to be taken care of. excuse me while I consinder gagging on that last statement.
Anyway, if I didn't admit that being questioned and treated like I am a criminal or committed a deadly sin for being single bothers me. I would be using that steriotype of the person with any disability is very happy all of the time. That isn't me.
Off of my soap box for now. I give props to those of us who are single. Even though we might not like it all of the time and we get treated like its a crime or a deadly sin to be single. Its all right. Finally, my young cuz britt has the right idea. She posted this in her status.
" a woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should have to seek Him first to find her..."

I believe that this can apply to guys as well. And, it can be amended so that the essence of the statement can mean the same.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Now that the television coverage has died down we no longer hear much about haiti. I know that there are still both losses, hope and miracles occuring there everyday. I suggest that we keep the country in prayer. I don't believe like pat Robinson that haiti deserved this disaster. I also don't believe the venezuelan(excuse the spelling), leader's idea that we dropped an earthquake bomb on haiti. That is just laughable. n

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


Karin Slaughter
Mystery/ suspense
In this book. Will Trent is trying to find both a killer and a kidnapper. This book takes you on a variety of twists and turns.
You never know where the story is going. Slaughter also lets the reader inside her main character's mind and heart. It makes will trent a very likeable guy, and cop.
I give this book a 4.

winter girls

Winter girls Laurie Halls-anderson
YA fiction
I read this book in three days. I wasn't able to put it down. It tells a story of a teneage girl. Who is dealling with self-abuse, anorexia, and the death of her estranged bestfriend. If I were teaching either junior high or high school, I would have this book on my list of required reading.
Hmm, wonder if there will be a class for women or either young girls, where books like this can be read. Even a class for blind women and blind girls would be awesome. I think these would be really good classes. But what do I know?

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

book review

I just finished life lines. By cj lions.
This book tells the story of a young woman doctor who is blamed for killing the chief surgion's son. All of this happens on her first day as the new attending physician. You would think that this intire book would focus on her clearing her name.
But, you will get a surprise. That is if you continue to read the book.
I don't want to give much more away.
I must say that I enjoyed the book. I give it a 8, and 4 stars on the goodreads rating scale.