Tuesday, May 25, 2010

RIP. I Miss you all.

We all have lost loved ones. It makes us sad sad. We grieve for the. But deep down we know that they are still in our hearts. They have gone to a better place and are guiding us through our daily lives. So rest in peace(RIP) all of you. From my twin sister, to my grandpa grady. From my Uncle Terry, to my cousin Mia, and to my many cousins, friends, and others that are no longer with us. We will see you again one sweet day. Just continue to be a guardian angel and a guide each day. I must say this.
God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be. So He put His arms around you and whispered "come to me." With tearful eyes I watched you, and saw you pass away. Although I loved you dearly,I could not make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest. God broke my heart to prove to me, He only ......takes............the BEST.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


The title of this noet will make sense. Just read on.
Firsstt, I am having a repeat of last summer. Everything is in jeopardy again.
I have to take the GrE again. I have been told that my classes that I took last fall and semester won't count. I am only missing one class. Then I can get out of here. But they won't let me register for anything above a 400 level class.
The GrE test was a bitch to take. Then during the test the math book with the figures and charts fell a part. It also wasn't very readable. The braille pages were like a children's pop up book in places.
So, I can't register for any higher classes, I have to be a student at the university, to keep my apartment. I have to take the grE again. The computer has locked me out of registering for that one class. My GPA is one point off the 3.0. That is another reason why they are saying take the grE again.
I didn't plan to get sick with Graves Disease. I didn't know that Graves disease would cause so many problems for me. I had no idea that other things besides my thyroid would be effected.
I had no idea, that the perfectly normal head of the Special education department would be so insensitive and refusing to hear my concerns. Its just one stupid and lousy point.
I hope that there is a reason for all of this.
Growl! Talk about frustrating and discouraging.
Well, I just can't bring myself to say I am done completely with it all. Knights, and Greens, don't quit without a helluva fight. I am just needing to get all of this out of my system. The idea of quitting that is. Besides, my friend is right. Noone will give a shit! If I completely give up and quit.
The good thing is that I am a strong advocate for my health now. I know my limits. I am taking care of myself more. I am getting things out of my system, instead of holding it in and making myself sick.
I am blessed. There is a reason for all of this. I have no clue what that reason is, but I know that I need to grasp tightly to my faith. Even if its with just my finger tips.
Another good thing is that I have enough classes that I almost have a second bachelor's degree. Will have to pray about this part. Not sure if this will be a part of God's plan for me.

Struggles continued.

Its a nice day in colorado. I am still truggling. But I am praying through it all. I know and believe in my heart that I need to grasp tightly to my faith.
Yes, I am discouraged and hate all of this struggling. But I know that this may be god's plan for me. But I still want to throw my hands up and say fuck it all.
Then that little tiny part of me overrules the fuck it all part.
So I am going to try once more. God didn't bring me this far to leave me.
What would I give up for? There is no positive alternative for me.
Just keep praying for me.
God bless!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


Lately, I have been struggling with many things in my life. One important thing has been my educational future. After doing everything that the University has asked of me. I still have been confronted with obstacles. I have just wanted to give up and say Fuck it! But I don't want to do that at all. I had to ask myself, if you throw up your hands and walk away, what would you be walking to?
I have no answer to this question. The fact that others around me have been handed opportunities to them, and I have to really fight for mine wasn't much of a help at all.
So, last night I wasn't feeling very good about myself or my situation. I was going through the waht if I had only did this or that differently. I had a friend tell me that go ahead and say fuck it. Noone will care at all that you did it. Which is completely tru, and that question came to mind as well.
I prayed and then I went to sleep. I woke feeling good about things. But nervous because I had a meeting with my rehab counselor at 3:30.
My friend that told me to go ahead and give up. Sent me an email with a lot of verses that were for me was comforting and strengthening. I spent some time praying and focusing on the positive things. Then I went to my friends and family and asked for prayers and or positive thoughts.
My meeting was a success. I discussed everything that was on my mind with my counselor. I was very honest and we got a lot acomplished.
I know that I needed to be honest, and trust in my faith and in the fact that I have lots of support and prayers.
I probably will still have to struggle. But that may be in god's plan for me.
My struggles make it prudent for me to apreciate my blessings.

Thank you.

I asked for prayers and positive thoughts. I received that and so much more. I recieved the prayers and the positive thoughts. I also got a lot of support. It helped me to get through my meeting successfully and productively. so thank you all for the love, support, and thoughts and prayers. It is all appreciated. I know that I am truly blessed to have many people in my life that believe in me whin I don't believe in myself. I thank god for all of you.

prayer and positive thoughts.

Very nervous about a meeting. Its a life altering and very important meeting. Prayers and positive thoughts please!