gnfbco convention.

This past weekend I attended the Nfb of colorado convention. I must be honest. I wasn't looking forward to this convention at all. My attitude until a few days before convention was not very favorable. I was just going to go and fulfill my commitments and have just a little fun. After discussing this with my therapist and in a group session, I let myself develop a better outlook on the convention. I also must say that I have not ever dreaded going to any national or state convention. I also somewhat regretted going to national convention. But I focused on those that I spent time with there and the regret wasn't as strong.
With my new outlook in hand, I went to convention. I actually got the boost that I always got from attending conventions. It had been a long time since I have gotten this at a convention. Many of you understand what I am talking about, that feeling of motivation. It was really good to reconnect with old friends, and continue to build new friendships. If I had not gone to convention, I would have missed out on so much and would have only deprived myself. I also wouldnt have gotten to meet an online friend luann in person and to spend time with her. I wouldn't have redescovered my commitments to myself, or the commitments to other people who are blind and or visually impaired. Finally, I wouldn't have gotten to laugh as much as I did this weekend. So now, I am happy that I went to convention. I fulfilled my commitments. I reconnected with friends, and met new ones. And, most of all I laughed a lot.
So thank you to all of you who helped me this weekend. There are just too damned many of you to name. But you all know who you are. Big smile. Oh and for those who got on my case because I said that I hated elvis. I will tone the word down and say, I really dislike Elvis! Yes, I know he has a couple of good songs. But I still dislike him. Here is a tidbit for you all. Elvis is good music for someone going through a manic and bipolar episode. I learned that from a former roommate.

Well, I want to spend christmas and my birthday in Dothan. And introduce PJ to the fam. Now just have to find. 416.00 dollars for the ticket. I have half of it. Oh well might have to try something different because this price will probably go up. Darn!

thoughts

My recovery from knee surgery is going well. I found out that the doctor had to save what he could of the cartelidge under my knee cap.. If he hadn't repaired what he did I wouldn't have anything left and would probably have to have a knee replacement.
Obviously this is really stressing me out. The continuous swelling is not helping either. I am trying really hard not to push myself. I am trying to do what I have been told.
But I am very stressed, and its causing me to feel somewhat helpless. I am also wondering if I have really bad luck, or if god is just not listening.
I had a friend tell me that I am just confused, and struggling with my faith and with many things.
I wanted to say tell me something I didn't know.
Even though things are bleak and seems like I have hit the bottom of some dark hole in a dark place. I still find my little thread of hope and one possitive thing that will help me grow and feel thankful.
Today was the friendships and the beautiful day that I was thankful for.
Now I am going to go and enjoy a book and get a goodnight sleep. I am leaving everything to someone who is in control. That isn't me.
Have a blessed night and I will post more often.

hope continued

After reading my earlier post from today. I still have more to say.
Hope is something that you never get rid of. Even when it seems like there isn't any hope. There is a little tiny thread that eventually becomes longer. Hope is also something restorative. Its also a source of strength.
There have been many times where I felt hopeless. Even as soon as during recent times. But then there is that tiny thread or a tiny glimmer, that you are able to reach for. And, usually I begin to think that the things that I have lost my hope in aren't as bad as others. I begin to see how lucky I am and that the little thread of hope will replace the huge wall of hopelessness and continue to grow from there. India Arie has stated in a song there's hope. the lyrics reminds us all to continue to be grateful for what we have and to think of all of those that have nothing but hope and they still find a way to smile.

words

Never let words distroy your self-esteem. It is hard when you care about someone. Especially when you care about the person. Words don't have power to hurt you, unless that person means a lot to you.
But always remember that you are a good person. Hopefully, you will have a lot of good friends that will keep reminding you oof the fact that you are a wonderful and good person.

where is the hope

I am feeling not very hopeful about anything. I have just been going through the motions. I am afraid to hope any more. It seems that everytime I hope I get let down and end up hurt as well.
Why should I bother? What is the reason for hope?
As much as I want to not have hope, there is a part of me that really wants to hold on to a little thread of hope. I guess this is good.

cryBlog title...

Things have been somewhat rough for me. I have cried some. But I haven't cried a lot. I haven't had one of those really good cries where everything is just soaked and I have used lots of tissues. Aftewards, I have this wonderful feeling of relief and feel stronger.
As wone we are not supposed to cry. Many femaninests believe that crying is a sign of weakness. We shouldn't cry at all. I know that for me its the best thing and a stress reliever.
I was talking too a friend that informed me that its okay to be emotional. She sent me the following: CRYING Doesn't mean you're weak, it means you've been too strong for too long.
This is so true and made me feel better about letting myself cry. Now its to the point where I can't really cry any more.